Spontaneous Rest

“You can’t be in love with your plans.”

This week, I am traveling. I am visiting friends and family in Europe, and then it's onto the East Coast of the United States. It was just time to connect with friends in person during this break from teaching. Instead of teaching classes and working with clients, I have found myself in airports, riding trains and busses, and checking the time frequently while also experiencing a humbling disorientation about little ordinary things like where to put my bags, not knowing whether to stand or sit, and of course social norms and how other people in other cities and countries do things. Being curious about what other people's lives are like is an important part of compassion. The ordinary things that people do get your attention in a good way when you travel and are having a good time: I hear a bright laugh or lock eyes briefly with another human, as if we are saying,  "Nice to see you. Amazing to be here." 

When you travel, you can also have your eyes opened to distress in the form of neglect as you walk about freely in a city and encounter decay and neglect in the surfaces that need paint or have bad smells. You may encounter people smoking where they should not be smoking per the posted placards and rules of public space. You may notice distressed people being totally disoriented and in their own worlds. You may notice people being rude and gruff, and then you may also encounter the poverty of people living in tents. I saw this in Europe for the first time this past week. People in distress is a reality every human is aware of deep down. When you see distress outside in the streets, in the stories of your friends and family, it can break your heart. Just notice it all, I tell myself. Reminding yourself to just notice without criticism or judgment is a kind of spontaneous rest. It can be brief, brief, brief. But maybe long enough for you to breathe and stay calm and for solutions to come.

I am not here to add to the distress if I can help it. The solutions are coming. In fact, you are the solution. A tranquil mind will tell you so.

Getting out of fixed mindset

Travel is good for taking you away from routine and also good to challenge a fixed mindset. The sights and sounds and the food experiences are always interesting. Travel always makes me aware of assumptions and expectations I have about how life is supposed to flow. I am feeling a sense of challenge and exhilaration at the same time: I am having an adventure, anticipating weather changes, asking for directions, eating outside of the usual observed of mealtimes, and sometimes getting confused about directions. The adventure can be chaotic and can feature dealing with high levels of uncertainty. The wrong turns have been little stress tests where I have used what I know about remaining calm and alert and yet as relaxed as possible. You can always get better at it. If the current travel experience I am having is as an exercise in sharpening my attention skills, then getting a passing grade is about getting through the (perceived) obstacles and finally arriving at the destination. 

You find your way in the moment,  in the day, whether you are traveling or not. You find a "good enough" plan or solution in the moment or you fail and experience delays and then adjust your plans. Bruce Lee, the famous martial artist, is famous for saying that failure is just information you can use when you try again. I am paraphrasing Bruce Lee’s words wildly here, but trying again is the idea, as is remembering, as best you can, the deeper commitment to be part of the solution, and not the problem. Panic and frustration are tough, but you can see them and use them as guides and pointers to transforming things and yourself in the moment. Then you will be alert and paying attention when someone spontaneously points you in the right direction by providing the missing details. And then: you know what to do. That has happened so many times on this trip! I have come to think of that moment when a total stranger shows not just kindness but that one missing piece of data I needed at the right moment as an encounter with life’s goodness. These are encounters with Earth Angels. Earth Angels are ordinary humans who are doing their part to be part of the flow. They are showing up to work on time and minding those details that help us remember others. They are trying their best. I love seeing that everywhere I go. I am calling such encounters a refreshing moment of spontaneous rest.

Resting spontaneously

All that adventure and uncertainty can indeed be taxing, and so traveling also makes me think of having a spot where I can retreat and just be with my thoughts and rest in between things. Right in the middle of the chaos and uncertainty, I just need a moment to contemplate the next thing, a tiny rest period. That time of having a tea or coffee and simply breathing for a bit can be the moment I look up and see what is happening in the sky or look down to study the train schedule one more time.

Sometimes, you just need a plan for tomorrow, and seeking a little quiet time can be the way to calm your nerves or spark useful solutions. It does not have to take long.

Just sit down for a few minutes, feel your body weight sink down, and see what happens next. Wait. You may breathe. Things may feel more clear. During this tiny rest period,  you can see "what is." Maybe you change and adjust something or maybe you don't.  Maybe you change your expectations about what's supposed to happen. Maybe you let go of expecting things,  but have a sense of anticipating or waiting for your moment to act. In nature, the animals in their natural habitats provide many examples of meeting the moment like this: the eagle swoops down at the right moment to meet the prey, and not before. The tiny salamander teeters on an uneven surface, misses a step, falls, and then gets up and keeps walking. The school of fish turns quickly to escape the predator. I imagine sometimes what if the eagle misses the mark, or some of the fish might bump into each other or that little salamander falls to its death or twists its ankle (do salamanders have ankles?)? The bumps happen. Things get lost temporarily or sometimes forever. You let go, and, whatever happens, nature finds a way to simply keep going.

And so do you. 

I encourage you to get a little spontaneous rest period in the day sometime today or tomorrow or whenever, as many times as you want to, and see what happens. Then: May whatever needs to happen next be obvious.